Lessons In Brokeness!!!

Its Blogging Time again folks. Now before I begin let me just say my blog is a lil different then most u may read because I'm gonna use it to reveal whats on my heart or mind at a paeticular time when I feel inspired to write. Sometimes u may get an eloquent essay, or a poem, or my thoughts on a particular subject, or a lil sermonette (I am a youth minister after all), sometimes u will get a life lesson God has showed me or something amazing I have discovered. Each post will probably be different but I promise to try and never make them boring. After all I'm not gonna take the time to write something if I have nothing at all to say. The great thing about this blog is its mine. I can say whatever I feel like saying or discuss whatever I feel like discussing. I do it to help others who may go through similar things I go through and I offer what I have learned to try and help whomever my read this. My main reason for starting a blog however is to just let ppl know who I really am. The real me, and whats in my heart. There was a song that come out when I was in high school by the Goo Goo Dolls called "Iris" and my fav line in the song was "I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everythings made to be broken, I just want u to know who I am." Thats my objective to show u who I am and what I've learned and hopefully help some of u along the way. I think one of the greatest tragedies in life would be to go through your entire life and never really be known. What would ppl be able to say about u when u die. What kind of legacy will u leave behind. Through this blog I hope to show u a lil of who I am and what I have learned. So now that we have that out of the way lets get into tonights blog!!

Ok have u ever just been absolutely broken to the point where u don't know what to do or where to turn. U just feel kind of empty and lost. We'll that has been me for about a month now. I mean here u are life is great. You are living like u are supposed to be living, you are at the place u feel God has called u to be, God is using you to minister to an incredible group of youth, your on fire and ready to conquer the world. Life couldn't be better. You think everything is great but u get so busy and wrapped up in your life that u forget about the most important thing, your relationship with God!! U see I thought everything was perfect in my life but what I didn't see was just how jacked up I really was and how far out of God's will I was actually living. God was trying to get my attention but I just wasn't listening. I was caught up in my own lil world and sometimes when we get our eyes off of God and on other things even if they are good things God will break us to get our attention. Its happened to me several times over the years but this time seemed to be the most sever. God has never broken me like he did this time. I mean he rocked my world. I had never felt so empty and alone and lost. In an instant my perfect lil world was shattered and I'm left wondering really God did this really just happen?? Why God? Why would u do that? How could u let me do that? How could u let this happen? U know how important this one thing is in my life and I can't live without it. Why did u have to use this to get my attention? I was absolutely heartbroken, shattered, lost, empty, and broken? My first reaction (which is always the wrong one, in my case anyways) was to get mad at God. I'll be honest part of me wanted to quit and run away from my problems and start over fresh somewhere new. But problems follow u where ever u go so running never does any good. And giving up and quitting and turning my back on God would only cause more problems and pain (I know from experience because I had tried that road before). The only option was to face my problem and say ok God there is a reason u let this happen so teach me what u need to teach me in this severe trial that u have put me through. Open my eyes and show me what I need to learn fro this.

The great thing about God is He answers in His time and in His way. I didn't get my answer right away. Instaed I spent about 3 weeks just broken on my knees crying out to God for guidence and direction and strength to endure and hold on and stay in the fight when everything in my flesh wanted to give up and quit. Then one day while driving down the road I was praying and I had a Job type of experience. One of those where God says ok Heath "Gird up your loins like a man because I'm about to show u some things." or to put it as eloquently as Pastor Tony Birkhead "put on your cup cause its about to get real up in here". So I braced myself for what God was about to show me. You see ppl God puts some really amazing things in our lives sometimes to get us on the right path or to help us along the way. These things are awesome things. Incredible and great blessings from God. Sometimes its even things we have always hoped and prayed for. In my case God had used just such a person, place or thing to reach me and change my life. The problem was I had gotten so wrapped up in the blessings God had given me that I had taken my eyes off of Him and I had let these things become idols in my life. They became more important to me then God actually was. God gave them to me and meant to use them to help me grow and mature and help me become the man He had called me to be. But I had my attention focused on the blessings instead of the One who gave me the blessings. I allowed these things to become idols in my life and I focused all my time and energy on them instead of on God. The blessings God meant for my good had become hinderances to my ministry and my realtionship with God. So God being the all knowing God He is said ok Heath I'm gonna get your attention. I'm gonna break u because only when u r broken and desperate will u put your eyes back on me. So thats what He did He broke me severly so that He could straighten out my priorities and get me focused back on Him. Then He begin to connect the dots in my life and show me why this happened and why that happened and what the purpose of this was. U see even when I was away from God making bad choices God had never given up on me and He was gonna use all the things in my life flaws mistakes and all to get me to the place where I needed to be. So He spoke to my heart and showed me alot and actually answered some of my questions. Not only recent questions but questions I had for yrs. And slowly the pieces of my life started fitting together and God had used all these things in my life good and bad to get me to the place I am at right now. It took 31 yrs but He finally broke me enough to where I was at a place of total dependence on God. God spoke to my heart and said Heath all I have ever wanted from u is to be Lord of your life. All my life I had put other things before God, relationships, friendships, possessions, desires. God has never had my all. He is only had the part I would give Him. I've been trying all along to control my life and God said plain as day just let go and turn your life completely over to me and I'll take care of everything else. He reminded me of several Bible verses that I know by heart but have never really applied them to my life.

Matthew 6:25-34---Which basically says in my own interpretation: dude I take care of the birds of the air I feed them and they want for nothing, and I cloth the flowers and take care of them. Are u not of much more value to me than these things. I created u in my image. U are the crown of all my creation. If I can take care of the little things do u not believe I can take care of u Heath? Stop worrying dude. I know the desires of your heart and I wanna give those things to you. But I need u to fix your eyes on me. Seek first my Lordship, let me be Lord of your life and I'll take care of everything else. I know what u want and I know what u need and I know whats best for u. I've had a plan for your life from the foundation of the world. Just surrender your all to me and I'll take care of u and lead u where I want u to go. I can do great things in and through u if u will just surrender your all to me.

Jeremiah29:11---Which basically says dude I know the plans I have for u, plans that are gonna prosper u and not harm you, plans to give u hope and a future. I got this Heath. I know whats best for your life. I only want the best for u because I love u. I got a perfect plan for your life. Sometimes I have to let bad things happen to u to teach u or get u on the right path but my plans for u are great if u will just trust me and give me your all and let go and let me have control.

Galatians 2:20---Which basically says I have been crucified with Christ. I live but yet I died in Christ when I accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. Therfore since I'm dead in Christ it is no longer me that lives but Christ lives in me. So basically God is sayin dude u belong to me. You lost the right to do what u wanted to do with your life the moment u trusted me as your Saviour. I live in u and want to be Lord of your life. That is my rightful place. You have made me Saviour of your life but you have never really made me Lord. Allow me to be Lord of your life Heath and I will do great things through u.

I could go on and on all night with scripture God has used to speak to my heart in this trying time. And he has not only used and spoke through His word but He as used my cicumstances to teach me some lessons and He has used messages from church and youth, and he has used some advice from some dear friends to show me things. God has spoken to me in so many ways over the past few weeks to reveal the things He has wanted me to see in this trial. And yes while this trial has sucked God has used it to teach me many great things and helped me grow and mature in Him. Most of all He has gotten my attention focused back on what it needs to be focused on, JESUS!!! Pray for me that I would not only surrender my all to Jesus and make Him Lord of my life everyday but that I will keep him there and not let any other person, place, or thing dethrone Him. He has even started changing my desires. My gretest desire has always been for a wife. Dude I've been a hopeless romantic since I was 3 no lie. All I've ever wanted was to get married. That is a Godly desire that God put in my heart at a young age and though I'm 31 now and most ppl would say give up Heath all hope is lost, I believe God is gonna give me what I have always desired most. I honestly believe the reason I have not been married yet is because I know I would have put my wife above everything else. She would've been the biggest idol of all in my life and she would have always hindered my relationship with God indirectly because I would have put here ahead of everything. I know that. God has showed me that. And one day when I'm ready and when God is firmly number one in my life, He will give me the one thing I have always desired. In that I am confident. But he has changed my desires in that now my greatest desire is to fall in love with Jesus and give Him my all and make Him Lord of my life. Sure I still wanna get married but that is not whats most important. Whats most important now is my relationship with Him. I desire Him above all things. My relationship with Him is whats most important. Not my relationship with my future wife, family, best friends, accountability partners, brothers, sisters or whoever. These relationships are important with other ppl. We need them. But my relationship with God should always be whats most important.

I said all this tonight to say this, what is standing in the way of your relatonship with God? What is hindering u from giving God your all? Is he number one in your life? Is He Lord of your life? Who makes your daily decisions, you or God? Is God gonna have to break u or take something great out of your life to get your attention like He did with me? Are u willing to sell out completely to God and give Him your all. He deserves it u know. He gave His all for u. What is keeping u from giving your all to Him? Don't wait for tragedy to strike before u wake up? Serve God now, give Him your all. Everybody who ever grew up in church has heard the song "I surrender all" but I wonder how many of us really have surrendered our all to God? What could we do in the world if God was Lord of all our lives? How great of an impact could we have on this earth if we would just surrender our all to Jesus and let Him be Lord of our lives? Don't be affraid. Have faith!!! God created u with a plan and a purpose. He wants nothing but the best for your life. All we have to do is let go and let Him be Lord and watch how miraclous our lives can be. Seek the Lordship of Christ now. It will be the best but hardest decision of your life. And its a decision u will have to make eveyday. Am I gonna follow self or am I gonna follow God. Am I Lord of my life or is God Lord of my life? Make the right decision everyday and give to God what he deserves. He knows  more than u will ever know. He created u and u r the crown of His creation. He wants whats best for your life. Dare to live the abundent life He has planned for u!!!